Rule# 81: Forgive wholly

So yesterday, was my 28th birthday, and with the beginning of a new year–of sorts– comes new goals, new hopes, new plans, new worries—and overall newness!

However, if life has taught me one thing it is that humans have capacity levels (future rule forthcoming). When those capacity levels are reached, it is incredibly difficult to function as the best version of yourself.

I myself have found that when I am at capacity–

  • My ability to process and move on from grievances, no matter how slight, is tested and likely to fail;
  • My desire to communicate and work through issues is exhausted (see rule #2) and I match rather cast off the problem–either through avoidance or banishing it from my life–then to implore my diplomatic prowess; and
  • I have a general overall sense of continuous lethargy and defeat.

In recognizing the affects on my mind, body, and soul of reaching capacity, I am able to stymie the challenges that cause me to reach capacity. I have also learned that a challenge that plagues most of us–especially Adulting millennials– is the inability to forgive.

The inability to forgive others. To forgive past actions or missteps. Most importantly, the inability to forgive yourself.

While adulting, I have made countless missteps, mistakes, and engaged in misdeeds. Some at the time, I believed to be the best course of action. Others at the time I seen a cataclysmic end but failed to stop myself, out of sheer fear of the unknown alternative. Regardless of the reason, in the end I am left with the pain and burden of the impact I made, and the potential hurt I have caused.

The weight and burden of failure, hurt, and pain grows with each mistake, misstep, or misdeed–until finally, you are rutted in the quick sands of despair. Sinking quickly and going nowhere fast! Stuck in place only to stew over every past action you caused or that has been done to you.

Life at this point is best summed up with the adage– a watched pot is slow to boil. Stuck in the dusty recess of your minds graveyard of hurt and despair, waiting for a magically moment to happen where all of a sudden life is better and all is grand….will not come without taking a noble and powerful step on your behalf.

This step is what I have learned to do, although it has taken me 28 years to be made known, fully comprehend, internalize, and act upon it. The step is rule #81: forgive wholly!

Les Brown once said ” It doesn’t matter about the things that you’ve done, that you feel guilty about, if you wouldn’t do it today you’re convicting an innocent person.

If you have thought about it, prayed about, dreamt about it, and figured out why you did, what you did, when you did it and have determined that it was necessary thenForgive yourself !

If you have thought about, prayed about, dreamt about it, and determined that what you did, when you did it, was uncharacteristically you and you would not do it again, then forgive yourself!

If you have asked about it, thought about it, read about it, and figured out why whomever you believed did you wrong, did what they did to you, and some how you can forgive them for it then do not feel bad for forgiving yourself!

Even if you cannot for the life of you figure out why someone you thought was close to you, did what they did to you, still forgive yourself!

Most importantly, forgive yourself wholly! Everyone has a capacity level at which point you are doing yourself a disservice, and the world a displeasure!

As we are adulting we will make mistakes! Take the time to learn from your mistakes, missteps, and misdeeds and for your health, wealth, and piece of mind– forgive yourself wholly! 

Here is to being 28 and forgiving myself wholly– to all my past mistakes, past hurts, and those who hurt me– I ask for your forgiveness and I release you!

Follow me on twitter @AoAMillennial

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Wholly cr*p, I’m an adult! Is this really it?!

Soooo, is it just me or did one day you fully felt the weight, responsibility, and gnawing feeling of adult-hood hit you like a runaway train?

Then… shortly, after you were saddened. As you begin to think about it, your conversation with yourself went something like this (at least this is how mines went, or at least something similar ):

” Wholly sh*t, I am about to be 30 in three years?”

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Then I begin to think about my bank account…then I took a look at my bank account, my student loan bills, and then a deep introspective examination of my life and said,

“Oh, wholly sh*t, I am about to be 30 in three years?”

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Following, the second pronounced and exclaimed “oh, wholly sh*t…” I begin to spiral into a depressive descent. Wondering and questioning,

“when did I get here?” (the proverbial “here” as in this juncture in my life)

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“Is this how 27 is suppose to be look?”

Because it most certainly is not what I had in mind. I was thinking 27 would be more like the male equivalent of Jennifer Garner’s ” 13 going on 30″– I was suppose to be on track to being 30, forget flirty, but thriving.

Next, I did what most people would do in my position (at least that is what I told myself), I had a good boo hoo! Full on man tears ( of course, I kept it classy (at least that is how I am choosing to tell it; nonetheless, there were full on man tears)

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Photo by Tom Pumford on Unsplash

Finally, I did what any self-respecting, millennial would do… I got mad and decided to take to social media… In actuality, I took some time to come up with a plan and chart a path forward, so that my next 27 years look as great as I know they will be.

After planning, I realized how many millennial’s out there are on the #StruggleBus (yes, I know the term is played out but let’s get real it precisely describes the millennial struggle). We are out here with big ideas, little guidance, a lot of resistance, and at times…what feels like diminishing hope.

So The Art of the Adulting Millennial was born. A guidebook to navigating the road between whatever you call post adolescences/ teenage-hood and becoming a full on “Adult” (whatever that means, because their definitely seems to be a low supply of good examples).  I will discuss life lessons/rules for making it on the journey of Adulting.

Feel free to drop me a line, comment with your Adulting journey stories, and follow me on twitter @AoAMillennial