Rule# 81: Forgive wholly

So yesterday, was my 28th birthday, and with the beginning of a new year–of sorts– comes new goals, new hopes, new plans, new worries—and overall newness!

However, if life has taught me one thing it is that humans have capacity levels (future rule forthcoming). When those capacity levels are reached, it is incredibly difficult to function as the best version of yourself.

I myself have found that when I am at capacity–

  • My ability to process and move on from grievances, no matter how slight, is tested and likely to fail;
  • My desire to communicate and work through issues is exhausted (see rule #2) and I match rather cast off the problem–either through avoidance or banishing it from my life–then to implore my diplomatic prowess; and
  • I have a general overall sense of continuous lethargy and defeat.

In recognizing the affects on my mind, body, and soul of reaching capacity, I am able to stymie the challenges that cause me to reach capacity. I have also learned that a challenge that plagues most of us–especially Adulting millennials– is the inability to forgive.

The inability to forgive others. To forgive past actions or missteps. Most importantly, the inability to forgive yourself.

While adulting, I have made countless missteps, mistakes, and engaged in misdeeds. Some at the time, I believed to be the best course of action. Others at the time I seen a cataclysmic end but failed to stop myself, out of sheer fear of the unknown alternative. Regardless of the reason, in the end I am left with the pain and burden of the impact I made, and the potential hurt I have caused.

The weight and burden of failure, hurt, and pain grows with each mistake, misstep, or misdeed–until finally, you are rutted in the quick sands of despair. Sinking quickly and going nowhere fast! Stuck in place only to stew over every past action you caused or that has been done to you.

Life at this point is best summed up with the adage– a watched pot is slow to boil. Stuck in the dusty recess of your minds graveyard of hurt and despair, waiting for a magically moment to happen where all of a sudden life is better and all is grand….will not come without taking a noble and powerful step on your behalf.

This step is what I have learned to do, although it has taken me 28 years to be made known, fully comprehend, internalize, and act upon it. The step is rule #81: forgive wholly!

Les Brown once said ” It doesn’t matter about the things that you’ve done, that you feel guilty about, if you wouldn’t do it today you’re convicting an innocent person.

If you have thought about it, prayed about, dreamt about it, and figured out why you did, what you did, when you did it and have determined that it was necessary thenForgive yourself !

If you have thought about, prayed about, dreamt about it, and determined that what you did, when you did it, was uncharacteristically you and you would not do it again, then forgive yourself!

If you have asked about it, thought about it, read about it, and figured out why whomever you believed did you wrong, did what they did to you, and some how you can forgive them for it then do not feel bad for forgiving yourself!

Even if you cannot for the life of you figure out why someone you thought was close to you, did what they did to you, still forgive yourself!

Most importantly, forgive yourself wholly! Everyone has a capacity level at which point you are doing yourself a disservice, and the world a displeasure!

As we are adulting we will make mistakes! Take the time to learn from your mistakes, missteps, and misdeeds and for your health, wealth, and piece of mind– forgive yourself wholly! 

Here is to being 28 and forgiving myself wholly– to all my past mistakes, past hurts, and those who hurt me– I ask for your forgiveness and I release you!

Follow me on twitter @AoAMillennial

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